If you haven’t been privy to me shouting about the Bupa Blog Awards from the hilltops all you have to do is scroll down and read your eyes out.
It’s conservative to say that I’ve been a little bit excited about being a finalist. I found myself in the company of some incredible bloggers, women who I already followed and looked up to. When I found out about the nomination my brain shouted at me “IMPOSTER” and then a funny thing happened. That foghorn of a voice slowly faded and confidence sprouted in it’s place.
Confidence is an issue I’ve had for years, I’m sure I’m not alone in this. When you meet me I am outgoing, loud and friendly but deep down I could never shake the feeling of ‘not good enough.’
Some of the big-deal judges of this competition noticed me. They acknowledged my most genuine body of work to date. I’m not great, or even very good but I freakin’ love what I do and it’s me.
What happened next was magic.
Pushing though the self-doubt I wanted to get my ‘house in order’ so to speak so I started pouring hours into learning about the back end of blog world. The technical things. These are not my strengths but I started learning a few things I had been scared to try.
I had to look over every single (cringe-worthy) old post (part of the tech stuff I was doing) and I can see how much my writing and photography has improved since I started. Neither of these skills are where I would like them to be (and nowhere near as good as the people I admire) but goshdarnit! I improved! I improved while relishing the work I was doing. I’d call that a win.
I started wondering more, thinking more, writing more. I slowed down on the compulsive editing. Suddenly there was a flow. No writers block in sight (let’s keep it that way).
When awards night came I was under no illusion that I would win but I told myself it was okay to be disappointed. I mean, I’m human. When the (well-deserved) winner of my category was announced I heard that voice again, “You don’t deserve to be here,” but you know what? I snapped back this time, “but I AM here.”
No, I am not the best, and that’s okay. Gives me lots of room to improve.
When I listened to the winners speeches I could not help but feel even more inspired. These women were so grateful, excited and proud of their audiences. They were articulate, passionate and considerate. In the room there was an air of support, recognition and women fist-pumping for one another. Not a (sad) tear in the whole joint. Nothing but support. I am honoured to be among them.
I said it before and I’ll say it again, this time with feeling, I’ve already won.
Check out the list of fabulous winners here.
You are totes amazing and a Winner. Everyone in that room earned their place. Congratulations!
Thank you so much Karan! What a lovely thing to say. It was awesome meeting you, and big double high-fives and congrats to Doxies!
You did so good peachy face xxx
Thank you so much mah lady. Xoxo
Oh you totally had every right to be there! So pleased to hear it's inspired you to get back into the details and I can't wait to read more!
Thanks so much Renee! It's been an incredible experience. <3
I think you are a rockstar for even being nominated! Well done! It's so nice to have time and space to feel proud of your achievements. Xo
Thank you so much my lovely!! I have five minutes of time and space to soak it in cuz I'm already onto the next thing- my very first Art Show. 2016 has been good to me. I'll sleep in October. 🙂 XOXO
Never doubt yourself. You are just one of the most refreshing, amazing person that I have had the luck to have met xx
I just wanna hug your face!! (Thank you for such a beautiful compliment) Still wanna hug yer face!! Xo
Oh Inhear you on all the feels. Completely deserving you creative minx! Sad we didn't get to hang out enough but stoked to have shared the whole night with you. xx
Thank you so much you lovely thing! It was such a whirlwind wasn't it? Hope to see you around the Blog mill again soon. xoxo
How good were the speeches? I was so thrilled for each and every winner!
Meeting you was an unexpected highlight.
A x
The speeches were incredible!!!! Everyone was so eloquent. Spot. On. So lovely getting to hang with you as well. 😀
No imposter situation gorgeous, we are all valid and what you do matters. Great post x
You are too kind you gorgeous KWEEN! I love your work and I think you rock. xoxo
You totally deserved to be there Dawn. And good on you for shaking off that voice and seeing the truth of it. Great work, you should be super-proud of your creative life and your blog! xx
That voice is a real stickler! Thanks so much Collette. xoxo