Morning People Have it Gooooood |
It's been a week since my last post and I have a confession to make. Matt and I have been caught up/obsessed with Sons of Anarchy. We started over the holidays and are now on the third season. Last night we took a time off so he could watch some of the Australian Open. I ended up doing a heap of blog research while on the couch next to him. It was the most productive I've been in weeks!
To top it off, on our road trip over the weekend we started listening to the Serial podcast. Between SOA, Serial, and our daughter, I have no idea when my husband and I will have another actual conversation. We either need to rip through the rest of the episodes together or take a small break. Because you know I can't cheat on him and watch ahead.
Another confession: when Hubs and I get way into a show, I try and prep dinner during the day and we race through evening chores like fools so we can squeeze in two, maybe three Eps before lights out. WHO AM I???
Major Spoiler Alert Anxiety while Googling for these Images |
Today was Lavinia's first day back at Day Care since December 10th! She cried when I left her because she's going through separation anxiety. It sucks big time. At least there are some familiar, friendly faces at our childcare center. They haven't called to tell me that she has obliterated herself in tears or tantrum so I don't feel too, too, bad.
I sound like a broken record, but maximizing time is key. Today was about doing the things I cannot do when Lavinia is with me. It's no longer about showering, cooking or laundry- because I can do that all during her waking hours even if it means she makes a mess in one room while I clean up another. So today- I read.
This book called "The Artist's Way," was recommended to me during my blogcourse. The intro sounded preachy and religious but when I read further about how the author battled with alcoholism it made more sense. In AA they tell you to find a higher power to believe in. And she explains:
Becoming a parent is confronting and forces you to see the world in a different way than you previously imagined. The only thing I can compare it to is hindsight but without the inevitable wisdom.
Upon turning 25 I found my adulthood sea-legs. I negotiated for and bought a car by myself (bringing my Dad along for one test drive.) I ended a rotten relationship (dude wouldn't even come with me to pick up my new car.) I owned a wardrobe that reflected my personality (bought on credit.) Grad school was ending and I applied for a job that would take me overseas. I stopped blaming my parents. The world was wide and waiting.
Surprisingly, today feels just as full of promise as it did at age 25. I struggled into my 30's- adjusting to a new country, a new name, a new life. Even after all that becoming a parent was next level challenging- but we've made it through that historically difficult first year.
Lavinia sees me more clearly than anyone ever has or ever will. She makes me want to be a better person, like falling in love, not because I want her to love me more but because I know she will benefit from the work I do on myself.
I've cast out a weighty anchor but I don't feel stuck. In this stillness I have the opportunity to focus on passions I neglected while running around the world. Yes your travel becomes limited when you have children- for at least another 18 years or so- but that forces you to take more of an internal journey. At this time in my life I look forward to steering toward my dreams.
Kangaroo Spotting is an artistic identity creator.
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