{This is not a sponsored post, I found out about Hello Mama's socially. We are chatting about partnering-up but I wrote this because I think the concept is awesome and compliments my mission statement, plus I have readers who might love it too!}

Have you ever seen a cool-looking Mother with a well behaved kid at the supermarket and wish you had the guts to ask for her secret? Or have you noticed a Mum pushing her kid through the neighborhood in sweats (just like you) at afternoon nap time and want to shout out to her, “I feel you sister! Hang in there!” Well I-do-but-I-don't because I don't want to look as crazy as I feel.

There is a brand new online matching service in Australia, exclusively for mothers. And you don’t swipe right or left depending on their looks but rather fill out an online profile which matches Mamas based on much more important criteria.

Supplied

Hello Mama’s, a website for Mum-matching, has launched the Aussie version a few days ago. They have been a great success in The US and Canada with over 60,000 users. Big numbers are expected in Australia, New Zealand and the UK as well.

It’s really less like Tinder and more like a combination of Meetup.com (for it's niche interest groups) and Match.com (for it's matches based on a questionnaire.) Feel too shy to meet in person? There is no obligation to do so. HM's have an online forum and chat groups for local advice. And who knows, you could develop an online friendship that could eventually turn into a real life one once you feel comfortable!

Supplied

I’m an outgoing person by nature but striking up conversations at the playground can feel a tad awkward even for me...I've done it a few times but have never been brave enough to score another Mum’s digits, I don’t want to seem like a stalker.

Being a Mother is ironically lonely because you have zero privacy- but someone in the same situation understands those messy feelings. It can really help your state of mind to chat with someone who gets it. Every time I leave my Mum’s Group I feel like I've been given the encouragement to soldier on. Not everyone is so lucky, sometimes Mother’s Group’s don’t work out. Mine only meets once a week- there are four other days to fill!

Easy to use on a mobile too (source: mobile site)

Hello Mama’s could be the answer. Who has time to make Mum friends out in the world when people are scurrying around glued to their phones? Three intelligent, isolated Mothers in the USA thought to use the popular online-dating-service model to link other stay-at-home Mums (why didn't someone think of this sooner?) When you fill out a profile HM's will match you with other like-minded Mums.

The founders. Source: website.

Just moved to a new area? Have a child with severe allergies? Want to hang with people who use the same parenting strategies? Or what if you're like me and want to meet other expats? HM's gives Mothers the opportunity to create specialized, local meet ups or play dates with parents who experience similar challenges.

Motherhood can be extremely isolating for a million reasons. “At the end of the day we want users to be able to create their own support network,” said Shalini, Hello Mama’s Managing Director, Australia. HM's have given Mums the power to do so in a wonderfully simple way.

The site is free to join, it's user-friendly and monitored for safety and respect. I signed up myself and look forward to exploring all it has to offer. Maybe I'll see you on there!

xoxo

Soon Lavinia and I will be traveling to the USA to visit friends and family. SOLO. This will be the last time she flies for free, on my lap as an under 2-year-old. Now, as much as I love being close to my little bug, 24+ hours is a long-ass time for her to be sitting on me.

When she was six months old we made the journey for the first time. After the experience, I wrote a post detailing the list of things I recommend taking when you are traveling internationally with a baby. Now I'm in a whole new league and need to bring my A game- she is a walking, talking, sassing toddler.

I’ve taken to my trusty American-expat Facebook group to ask other seasoned parents for tips. They came up with the goods and now I have a comprehensive arsenal of suggestions for operation meltdown distraction. After the trip, I’ll write a more detailed post about what worked best but I think anyone in our situation could benefit from this list even in its infancy.

The List

iPad- loaded up with games, shows and kids movies
Kids headphones, so she can plug into my chair entertainment unit and iPad
New, cheapie toys- wrapped up, one for each hour of flying
M&M’s and other light snacks that take a while to eat and are good for bribes!
Non-spill containers for those snacks
Glow bracelets to play with when the cabin lights are off
Ergo carrier that converts to a backpack- forget about hauling a stroller around, this will allow you to keep your hands free
Coloring books and crayons
Travel size Magna doodle- endless erasing and drawing without dropping crayons all over the place
Paper & Glue Stick
Things to paste (I’m thinking of cutting images out of magazines as they do at daycare)
Dress the kid in a costume so people think she’s cute, like a bunny or something
Books
Their own backpack with supplies
Rescue remedy- good for Moms and neighbors too!
Double-sided tape, pipe cleaners, fun goo, Play-Doh, stickers

Clearly, the art of distraction is key with an under two.

Lotta Passports for a little family

There was a hot debate on the FB page about whether or not to give your child medicine that makes him or her sleepy (like Benadryl (US) or Phenergan (AUS). Look I'm not saying you should and I'm not saying you shouldn't but personally, I think using it as a last resort, like a parachute pack, might prevent all hell from breaking loose.

I think it’s smart to check with your child’s doctor who may recommend testing the medication before you are actually in the air because with some children it can cause the opposite effect. No one wants a sleep deprived, wired toddler running around in a tin can- it’s a flight, not a rave.

Please note: I’m not a medical professional, a professional parent or a professional anything. I’m just willing to keep an open mind while attempting to straddle two countries, and two lives the best way I know how. Preparation!

Anyone else out there have more suggestions to add to the list?

{This is not a sponsored post and opinions are all my own. As I was finishing up this piece, Laila & Spot kindly offered to send me an item of my choice to review in a future post. Can't wait!}

Why is it so difficult to find nursing-wear that is not hideous or expensive? (And I’m speaking from an Australian-shopping perspective.)

I spent a small fortune on maternity wear, most of it bump-hugging and glorious. I never had the courage to show off my midsection until it held a fetus (even in the 1990’s when I was pre-pubescent and crop-tops were a thing.) What fun it was, proudly bouncing around...until near the end when I was living in plus-size hoodies and hibernating on my couch like a Canadian Grizzly.

French Connection tube dress in one size larger than I (used to) wear.

Apologies in advance because there she goes again: I often rant about Australian prices to anyone who will listen.Things are bloody expensive here!!! Look, I get it... People make a living wage which is great, blah blah, but in my opinion, ya’ll have been a captive audience for way too long and retailers have been taking advantage.The sticker shock has worn off now that I'm five years entrenched but my other gripe is lack of variety. If I’m going to shell out big dollars I want to have more than two things to choose from.

Much to my naivety- once I gave birth to my bouncing baby girl, those stretchy tube dresses were no longer practical. I went from belly-pride to belly-hide in a matter of moments. Not to mention I lacked the foresight necessary to realize that my boobs needed to be freed from my clothing about a thousand times daily.

This is what you look like after giving birth- notice, the belly does not magically disappear along with the effects of the epidural.

Don't think the drugs had worn off yet

Desperate and exhausted, I scoured the internet for nursing-friendly attire, and found some amazing, and comfy looking clothes....in Scandinavia...with price-tags even higher than Australian ones. So I surrendered to my sweats, and big button-downs. I completely lost any sense of pride in the way I looked- call me superficial but at the time I needed all the help I could get. I felt fat, unattractive and unsure about the battered body which had just let forth a miracle.

I remember wishing I knew how to sew because I saw a big, fat, gaping hole in the Australian market. Someone needed to design cute, comfy, affordable, nursing-wear for new mothers. While I moaned frumpily, someone was all over it and her name is Laila. She founded a revolutionary company called Laila & Spot.

Finally! Clothing for new mothers and I'm not talking about maternity wear. I had a great laugh reading the section on their website No Pregnant Chicks.

“So you WERE a glowing, expecting mum. But now you ARE a mum – a first time mum or a mum all over again. Either way, among other challenges to be overcome – get ready for war with your wardrobe.”

Thank you Laila. You get it.

She came up with the idea for the company after the birth of her son, where much like me, Laila felt like she no longer knew her body and nothing fit properly. She remembers visitors dropping in during those first hazy weeks and she was sick of receiving them in her pajamas.

Laila explained it perfectly when she told me that in those sleepless early days- a nice outfit would have made such a difference in the way she felt. And like me- Laila moaned until her husband finally said to her "then why don't you do something about it." And she did.

I had the opportunity to scope out some of the Laila & Spot's latest designs at a photoshoot for their new line. Not only are the clothes adorable but the models were real Mums and fans of L&S. A few had their little babies right there at the shoot, one little guy only 4 weeks old! If you ask me- that's proof these clothes work for new and nursing mothers.

L&S clothing is trans-seasonal and is designed to be layered. This is strategic, taking into consideration the rapidly changing body temperatures for new mothers. The fabrics are breathable, stretchy and easily wipe-able (bonus.) Plus they have zips in all the right places, privacy shields and great, metal clasps. Gone are the days of fiddling with the crappy plastic ones.

L&S have engineered a user-friendly clasp. Yus!

And in even more good news, the colors and lines are simple so the pieces mix and match easily. They are clean, practical designs and in my opinion will appeal to all different tastes.

Play

Night Out

Work

Their current range of everyday items from about $30.00-65.00 AUD. They are made in India, not far from where Laila herself grew up. Fair work practices and environmental sustainability are priorities to this company so it's refreshingly not about finding the cheapest place to manufacture.

Five fantastic real-life Mums at the L&S photoshoot

It’s understandably difficult to picture what post-baby-life looks like when you’re pregnant with your first. My old friend hindsight has given me yet another gift which I will take as advice: "Next time you are preggers, invest in post-baby threads." I share this wisdom because believe me, clothes are the last thing you’ll have the energy to worry about with a newborn hanging around.

Trust me. You don't want to end up in public looking like this.

Check out my review of a Laila & Spot Two Tone Dress here.

When your life exists on two continents long-haul travel is unavoidable and expensive. When you add a child to the mix it becomes extra daunting. How do you do it? You just do. But this list will help.

In this post, I will try to let you know what to expect because half the battle is mental. I'll describe how I survived the first 30-hour journey with my six-month-old daughter. I will also provide a detailed list of what I brought along with me and why. Don't forget to download the free packing checklist at the end of the post. I hope it helps!

International Travel With Baby: What to Expect, What to Pack and Jet Lag advice

Seasoned parents told me; the younger the baby, the easier the journey. I guess it makes sense. At just a few months old they can't run away from you and only eat, sleep, poop...and cry. I took Lavinia from Melbourne, Australia to Buffalo, New York when she was just a six-month-old nugget. Looking back, she was the perfect age to travel yet I was waaaaay to stressed to appreciate it.

The Mental Journey

At the time I was battling post-natal depression and anxiety so deciding what to pack for the flight itself was stressing me to the max. After all, it was only the flight I worried about- being stuck and not able to buy something I forgot or needed. And I could only physically carry so much! For a little extra pressure sprinkled on top, I had new-Mom-guilt attacking me overtaking the baby out of her routine (let alone exposure to germs and recycled air.)

I needed more than Google. I needed people with experience. Seasoned experts. I asked some of my ex-pat Mum friends for advice, looked online, and even ordered a book about 'flying with baby.' After reading the first chapter I didn't sleep a wink and had the good sense to delete it from my kindle at daybreak. Seriously, a whole chapter on airport strollers!! Brain short circuit. Too much info.

Disclaimer: The journey was completely and totally worth it. I got to introduce my beautiful little girl to the rest of her family and her 'other' home.

So How Do We Do This?

As soon as I got out of my own head and up into the air I realized that traveling is still a part of who I am. I'm glad fear did not prevent me from hiding my baby away in the Melbourne suburbs forever.

Recently, my cousin had to travel from the USA to Germany with her baby girl and she asked me for advice. It brought back memories of researching myself into a tizz before my own trip. I still had my original packing list and figured this information might actually be useful to others as well.

What to Carry, How to Carry it, and What to Wear

Forget about bringing anything to entertain yourself. I had two magazines with me at the start but ditched them before I even boarded the first plane in Melbourne. Even if you do have a few spare moments of peace you'll probably be like me and race to the galley begging for white wine.
I dressed my baby in: A Bonds Wondersuit to fly and took an extra one. These suits are great because they have a two-way zip and little fold-over mitts that cover both the hands and feet for extra warmth.
I decided against a stroller because I could not find an airport stroller that reclined. It may have been handy but we didn’t need one. Many airports lend strollers/prams however I was not so lucky when I checked in at MEL as they were all out.
I wore a 'cute' pair of sweatpants and slip-on flat sneakers plus a v-neck T with button-down over it so I could breastfeed easily and a lightweight hoodie (layers are key- it gets cold up in the sky.) I also had a change of clothes in case I got barfed on... or worse.
I carried a diaper bag with everyday supplies and a rolling carry-on with the rest of our gear. I wore a travel baby carrier that was lightweight and folds up into a pouch.

What to Expect Once you Arrive at your Destination

The first and most important thing to keep in mind is your baby's jet lag (and yours). Be prepared for a few difficult nights. Luckily I was able to feed Lavinia back to sleep when she woke up confused and freaked out by the time change and new environment.
When you arrive immediately put your baby in her routine on the current time at your destination. It took my little angel 3-4 nights to adjust which was a result of her barely sleeping on the journey. A blessing in disguise I suppose!
They say that getting the little bub out into the midday sunlight helps them adjust to the new time zone more quickly. A little walk outside each day can’t hurt either of you, even in winter.

If you would like a copy of my packing list, click here, or on the graphic below.

Notes On My Packing List

Carry-on rolling bag with the rest of baby supplies for the overhead because you'll likely be seated in the bulkhead.

Nappy bag- Packed with the same supplies you would have for a normal outing. Keep this bag at your feet after takeoff and before landing for easy access. Replenish with supplies from your carry-on bag that you will stash in the overhead bin.

Small purse- that I could easily shove into one of the other bags (carry-on or nappy bag). It contained our passports, a pen for filling out customs cards, my wallet, Blistex and our itinerary.

Ergo Travel Baby Carrier- this is great because it folds up into a pouch. I hooked a carabiner onto mine so I could clip it someplace out of the way when not in use.

Remember: you are carrying all this stuff plus a baby so go easy on yourself.

Diapers, bring enough for a whole day, I brought too many and they took up lots of room in my carry on. At least they were lightweight.
Diaper baggies for dirty ones
A few travel packets of wipes and some extra in the carry on
Change mats bring at least 2!
Wipes
Tylenol
Thermometer
Hat (Flights can get really cold)
Sleeping bag
Blanket
Extra PJs, and onesies. It's a good idea to bring plenty of layering options in case it's warm or cold (it tends to be freezing on planes but you never know) extra baby clothes are one thing that don't take up lots of room and are worth bringing
Toys
Teething Rings and rusks and cookies
Bottles x2 with cool boiled water* (I was breastfeeding at the time so just in case)
Food pouches, spoons, and bibs (each in a separate Ziplock bag)
Formula in single-serve pouches
Pacifiers/ Dummies (good for clearing ears at take-off and landing)
Lotion and Bottom balm (for dryness)
Bach’s Rescue Remedy (for me) and homeopathic jet lag pills (for both of us)
An empty water bottle and snacks (for me) you'll need them.
2 swaddles
A few burp cloths
Socks hand mittens

For me:
A change of clothes!

*make sure to dump and rinse any bottles with excess formula in the airplane bathroom. Security made my Mummy-friend take a sip out of the bottom of each used bottle after a 14-hour flight. Have you ever smelled old formula (let alone tasted it)? Dis. Gus. Ting.

Further Research:
My friend Bec also did some research for me and sent through this article. It is one of the most helpful ones I read. Thanks, Woman.

Becoming a parent is confronting and forces you to see the world in a different way than you previously imagined. The only thing I can compare it to is hindsight but without the inevitable wisdom.

Never has anything been more important to me than motherhood. In the beginning I felt vulnerable and unprepared, knowing more about what kind of parent I did not want to be than how to be a parent. The pressure I put on myself was intense and unfair. I’m still not sure about what kind of mother I will turn out to be, least now I'm cool with figuring it out as we cruise.

Sixteen months into my parenting journey I feel my consciousness shifting the way it did when I first became a grown-up. Maybe it’s a confidence thing or maybe it’s about making informed choices and taking responsibility.

Upon turning 25 I found my adulthood sea-legs. I negotiated for and bought a car by myself (bringing my Dad along for one test drive.) I ended a rotten relationship (dude wouldn't even come with me to pick up my new car.) I owned a wardrobe that reflected my personality (bought on credit.) Grad school was ending and I applied for a job that would take me overseas. I stopped blaming my parents. The world was wide and waiting.

Surprisingly, today feels just as full of promise as it did at age 25. I struggled into my 30's- adjusting to a new country, a new name, a new life. Even after all that becoming a parent was next level challenging- but we've made it through that historically difficult first year.

In the first year of parenting time stands still and lunges forward with little predictability, it makes you feel completely uncoordinated. At least now I’m getting used to the mother-dance and its ever-shifting steps. More importantly, I’m finally comfortable with how I'm moving along with it.

My little girl is a mirror. When I speak, I hear her voice now; the drawn-out American way “Bye” sounds like it has two syllables (a bit annoying). Or the way our tone rises when we say “hmm?” Or how she pats people on the shoulder when giving hugs like I do while comforting her. Soon it will move beyond the physical and she will mimic the way I handle change, growth and stress.

Lavinia sees me more clearly than anyone ever has or ever will. She makes me want to be a better person, like falling in love, not because I want her to love me more but because I know she will benefit from the work I do on myself.

I've cast out a weighty anchor but I don't feel stuck. In this stillness I have the opportunity to focus on passions I neglected while running around the world. Yes your travel becomes limited when you have children- for at least another 18 years or so- but that forces you to take more of an internal journey. At this time in my life I look forward to steering toward my dreams.

What are the moments in life where you felt a change in perspective?

Shout out to my fellow ex-pats! It ain't easy having Christmas in Summer.

The Oxymoronical Sand-Snow Man. It ain't right.

It’s a difficult time of year to be away from family. You tend to romanticize the holidays and forget about trying to divide time between blended families, bad weather, overeating, stress and gloom. Still- there is something about not having the choice to endure all that which makes you sooooo homesick.

A Docklands Christmas Tree. No Snow.

When I settled in Australia Matt and I agreed that we would do every other Christmas in Buffalo. After that first one- with double the cost of flights, the delays, snow...I realized that it would be better for me to visit in the Spring or Summer.

I hate winter but I do miss it this time of year. Saturday I wrapped gifts out on the deck while wearing sun-block. It just seems wrong.

The American expat Facbook page has been alight since December with newbies complaining about homesickness and seasoned Americalians’s giving pointers for making the best of it.

I’ve been here five years so I’m kind of an inbetweener. I still get homesick all the time but for me the key to surviving is joining- even if I don't always feel like it.

Here are my top tips for surviving holiday homesickness:

1.Make your own traditions
Things are different here. Obviously. You live in a foreign country for love or money, either way it's unproductive to compare Australia to the USA. Embrace the differences and create some blended traditions.

You should have seen the look on my in-laws faces the first time I made a pumpkin pie at Christmas- it was like I said I was making a dessert out of tomatoes (Australians view pumpkin as a savory only.) But they tried it to be polite (and loved it) now every year we eat pumpkin pie and drink champagne on Christmas Eve. And you know what else I can really get down with? A Christmas seafood BBQ.

2. Stay Busy
Decorate even if you don’t feel festive. Santa looks cool on a surfboard! Keeping busy is extremely easy to do this time of year. Online shop for family back in the USA, go to parties, have friends over to watch Christmas movies in the A/C while you drink hot chocolate. Just fake it till you make it.

3. Try New Things
Build a sand-snow man or try out a local bus tour to see decorative lights. Listen to carols in the park or at the beach. Make the most of what’s on offer for the experience.

4. Get in Touch
Send cards. Skype and Facetime with family. I learned a long time ago not to hold my breath for people to get in touch with me. Outta sight, outta mind- swallow your pride and be the first to reach out.

5. Go on a vacation
If all else fails- abandon ship and head to Bali, Thailand or New Zeland. It's cheaper than flying to Cairns.

Happy Holidays from Down Unda!

I spotted some Roos on the way to Christmas Last Year. Yus.

It will always seem strange to me that in Australia, the seasons go by calendar months, not by the equinoxes. When the change of seasons are not overtly distinguishable I guess that turns the year into a neatly quartered pie. This makes things more simple.

When I first moved to Melbourne, I remember being so confused about what time of year it was. In my former life I could tell by the weather.

December 1^st is the first day of Summer in these parts. Lavinia and I have been exploring the backyard and playing with hose water to keep cool.

Her little cheeks turn pink when she’s warm. As a child, I remember wishing mine would do that very thing so I would pinch them in the bathroom mirror.

Lately, I’ve been writing more. My childhood is something that keeps rising to the surface. This makes sense because now I’m part of someone else’s childhood. Only this time I’m gifted with a lens more than three decades old with which to view it. Like the seasonal calendar in Australia- children make life appear so much simpler. We, adults, are the ones who make it complicated.

The memories I’m exploring are something I will share in the future. For now, I'll be honest about myself and try not to worry that someday my little girl will read it all and be able to see my flaws...though it’s a troubling thought- I do want her to know I’m human. I make mistakes. So far, I’ve tried to learn from them.For now, I’m just unloading my brain (when I have a spare moment) to put the thoughts in black and white. You know, to make things more simple.

9 months post baby, and 13 months post

When I sat down with Alisa I couldn't believe how ripped she was, and how immaculately presented. She was tanned, makeup, hair, and sparkly jewelry. She was quite pretty and feminine, redefining the stereotype of female bodybuilders.

I think she was a bit shocked to hear that I did not come to her to get skinny. My goals were to increase strength, get better sleep, build muscle and most of all increase my energy. I could see her getting excited. “Can you please kick my ass?” I said to her.

She gave me this look like- “you don’t even have to ask.”

I had never worked with a female trainer before so I was curious to see if she would let me off the hook or be even tougher on me to prove a point.

Just deadliftin'

A Cheeky 110lbs (50Kg)

Turns out that Alisa's point of difference is her huge heart. She gives a shit- sometimes more than I do. Her past made her tough as nails yet she remains positive and passionate. And kick my ass, she did. For the first time, I uttered the words “I can’t,” during a PT session (very unusual for a competitive, people pleaser like myself). She knew when to push me and when I was actually working hard. We felt like a team.

Peace out Muffin Top

She wanted me in the gym three times a week which would mean my family would die of starvation on a sticky floor wearing dirty undies. So I went twice weekly. Sometimes once. A few weeks, none at all (life, ya know?)

We set a goal to check in at three months. We took actual scientific measurements of my body and totes awks embarrassing photos that I’m sharing with you all right now.

I didn't change my diet but I did try to eat more consciously. I was determined to use our entire veggie box each week and cut down on refined carbs (for the record, I will never give up carbs- they are delicious). Matt and I gave up our Friday night tradition of pizza and french fries.

The results are positive. I can see and feel the difference, inside and out. Could I have done better? Maybe. Alisa and I both know the work I did (or at times didn't) do. *

You know what’s really great? Acceptance. In my opinion, it’s the first step toward self-love. After all, I have the massive responsibility to relay this message to my daughter. I need to start practicing what I preach, Sisters. Beauty comes in many different body types. Health should be the number one priority always. Do I accept the fact that I'm not a swimsuit model? Yes. Do I accept that my body gave birth to a human? Hell yes.

The scale did not budge in either direction for me during this journey- but I lost inches. I gained muscle, confidence, energy. It’s just a bonus that my jeans fit better.

*Within those three months there was above average partying going on so it was a bit harder to watch what I put in my mouth. I attended two weddings, a 30^thbirthday, two race days, my daughter’s first birthday (heck yeah I was drinking after that Pinterest-pressure stress), and a two-week visit from my Mom. So there was a disproportionate amount of celebrating and imbibing. No excuses, just life!

There is no way to prepare for being a parent. You can read all the books, babysit, expect a ‘challenge’ but until you are leaving the hospital without instructions or a warranty.... you won’t ever truly know.

These are a few home-truths I’ve picked up this year that I thought might be helpful, or at least relatable, to parents both new and seasoned.

The Safety of the Hospital Bubble

1. The Newborn Stage Ends.

This seems like logical information but I promise you when you're in the newborn era it feels infinite. Plenty of people reassured me this stage would be but a flicker. I remained skeptical. For a while, it feels like you have Stockholm syndrome. You’re in love with your captor who also happens to be the new family CEO. Sleep deprivation takes your sanity and even your dignity. The days are long and the years short, or so they say.

The Newborn Era- looks much more pleasant than it was.

2. There are Pro’s and Con’s to Waiting Until your 30’s to Have Children.

I’ve traveled heaps, partied lots, slept-in and had few regrets (I tell myself this might be key to avoiding a mid-life crisis.) After 30 I felt ready to ‘settle down,’ because sometimes a bottle of red and a good movie appealed more to me than going out all night. The term ‘settle down’ implies relaxation and a slow pace of life. They should call it- ready to ‘fire up’ for kids because you should train for it like you would a marathon. With an 11.5-month-old baby, I’m starting to feel more like my old self again and now there is this sudden pang of jealousy for people without children. My shrink and I decided that I’m not jealous of the childlessness, just the freedom- especially now that I have the energy for freedom again. Personally, I’m glad I didn’t have children in my 20’s or I would be even more jealous! However, I would have had plenty more stamina back then.

3. Gone is Spontaneity.

Want to pop out and grab a coffee? Yeah Right. You can no longer grab your handbag and go. In fact, there is no longer room for your handbag at all. I’m lucky to be able to shove a wallet, keys and Blistex in my diaper bag. Plus there is other serious equipment to consider. Stroller or baby carrier? Extra clothes for baby, and yourself. Bottles, meals, and snacks on rotation depending on the time of day. Should you bring extra in case of delays? Diapers, wipes and bum cream- oh my! Hat, sunscreen, and comforter. Plastic bags, nappy bags, garbage bags (handy for large-scale disasters) and toys...the surprising thing is that the smaller the baby, the more you need to bring. Makes no logical sense.

Camping goods sorted, then we have the nap conundrum. Can it be timed so she sleeps in the car or the stroller? Oh wait, the weather forecasts explosive poo, spew and or food spillage? Better grab an umbrella too.

After all this prep if the baby cries when we get there- we are going to turn right around. Better to just never leave the house? Maybe.

Coffee Date!

4. You have to Reserve Down Time.

When we first brought Lavinia home, we were inundated with company. And it was lovely but also exhausting. We were so proud to show off our little angel that we would invite two sets of visitors over each weekend day. I’ve learned to say ‘we’re busy' and it's literally always true. Even if 'busy' simply means that my husband and I have coordinated in advance and booked family time. One weekend a month we decline all social engagements home or away because (see item 3) a coffee date could take up half the day. Sounds totally lame but you know what? It’s these weekends I look forward to the most. So hard to say ‘no thank, you,’ but so worth it in the end. Soon enough Lavinia will only want to see her friends, desperately trying to avoid her boring parents (which is ironic because SHE is the reason we are boring!) So take that time to pencil in for being a family.

Just a Couple Friends Blowing Bubbles in the Backyard

5. A Night Out is Almost Not Worth the Hangover. Almost.

Sometimes you need a good blow-out to remind yourself you still have a personality. Events must marry up perfectly with babysitters. And keep in mind that come morning your baby does not give a flying F#$@ that you were out too late and drank too much. The kid will be well-rested and ready to rock’n’roll at 7am (or sooner) regardless of whether you went to bed at 9:30PM or 2:30AM. And I’ll tell you something from experience- it’s martyrdom to breastfeed while dehydrated.

So, sorry to all my friends for declining often. Side note: Please keep inviting us anyway because we like to feel included. And for the record, no, we cannot ‘just put the baby to bed in your spare room’ during your dinner party. That’s just crazy talk.

Buddy Lachlan's 1st Birthday Party

6. The Most Supportive People in your New Life are Not Always who you would Expect.

Your hospital room will be flooded with visitors, gifts, and loving glances. But while your life has been turned upside down, it goes back to normal for everyone else. And one day, you go to the hairdresser and find in her a soul-mate. Lovely, single, girlfriends offer to sacrifice precious weekend nights to babysit so you can go to dinner for your birthday or see a movie with your hubby. A sister-in-law spends hours on public transport to spend quality time with her niece. A judgement-free and down to Earth mother’s group. A mother-in-law who commutes four hours just so you can nap. The kindness of people is both astounding and surprising. And we are grateful.

After your first child life as you know it will never be the same, just like everyone says. You can never ‘un-know’ what it feels like to be responsible for a baby you made. Then the light bulb illuminates- this is how my parents felt about me- and you finally understand the depth of their love, and understand their imperfections.

Then the second, more disappointing light bulb- this brand new human will not have a clue how much you love and sacrifice for them until they have children of their own. And that’s a damn long time to wait. Which brings me back to point number one. Patience.


My first painting in about four years.

I should be going back to work this week but I took an additional 12 months maternity leave.

During my struggle with postnatal depression I felt unable to make the right decision about going back to work. So I did what any responsible adult would do... delay the inevitable.

My gratitude for this option abounds. I’m grateful laws in Australia allow me to request a second year off and even more grateful that because I work at a not-for-profit, they granted it.

This additional time is, and has already been, a fresh start. I am doing fulfilling things; writing, painting, cooking, exercising, visiting. The more I do, the better I feel.

One of my weaknesses is that I have too many interests- both in hobbies and careers. Because I wanted to live abroad, I never focused on one particular path. I don’t know what it feels like to be obsessed with one particular thing and doing it every day to earn a living. I leave that to people I admire.

As a result I have quite the’ well-rounded’ resume however I can’t shake the suspicion that I got off-track somewhere. Specifically, because I would like to be doing something more creative.

Once again, with my daughter as inspiration, I see life is too important to waste on ‘working to live’. I would like to know what it feels like to ‘live to work’- even if said work does not allow me to earn an income. I recently read somewhere that the work you do in your spare time is the work you should be doing for a living. It's a nice idea. Even better if I had more of that coveted spare time....

Then there’s the guilt. I’m taking these two years off when I know plenty of mothers who would love to do the same but cannot. On the flipside I worry that I’ll lose my identity. Suddenly I’m this child-centric husk who drives a soccer-mom van....only to be shocked back to life with a mid-life crisis once the kids move out.

Working mothers feel guilty about leaving their children, and stay-at-home mothers feel guilty about leaving their career. Just because we CAN have both- does that mean we HAVE to? Does anyone really have it all anyway?

As an educated, feminist, woman, I’m grateful to have the choice at all. I’m sure if someone told me I HAD to stay home, I would be clawing at the ceiling. Alternatively, if finances dictated that I MUST return to work immediately, I would be longing for the days at home with my daughter.

It seems as though when the choice is taken away completely, it’s much easier to justify.

Perhaps the real issue is that we feel judged for whichever we chose. When someone innocently asks, “So when do you return to work?”...It becomes my responsibility to be comfortable and confident in my answer. Rather than respond ‘I’m just a stay-at-home-mom,” maybe I should say, 'I raise humans and try to stay sane in the process.

In the end, what we do does not necessarily define us. It’s who we are, and what we value that matters. Right now I'm okay with being the artsy stay-at-home-mom.

And in this moment while I’m learning to pass values on to a new generation I would like to improve mine along the way.