Sponsored by Bupa
My daughter is an awesome sleeper. Don’t hate me! It hasn’t always been that way.
I’ll never forget that night. My husband stood between me and the doorway, while our four-month-old daughter wailed and my heart shattered.
This is not a story about controlled crying. It’s a story about how I found a combination of gentle methods to teach my daughter to self-settle. You would think sleep is something humans would do naturally because it’s so essential to our development. Nope, it’s a learned skill that we can help our kids to master (or try to anyway!) in the First Thousand Days.
“If you go in there,” he said, “it will be to make yourself feel better. If you stay out here, you’ll help her long term.”
That was night number one of our sleep-training routine. She had been crying for about eight minutes, and I had already been in the room twice. I knew my husband was right. He suggested I go outside for a walk, but I couldn’t, I had to suffer with her, even if she didn’t know it.
In hindsight, I probably should have taken his advice and gave myself that break – but as a first-time mum, it was hard to walk away.
It took four nights of protesting and tears (hers and mine) until she went down happily on the fifth. Fast forward to age seven-months, she slept 12 hours each night, and napped like clockwork during the day.
Our daughter is almost four-years-old now, she still sleeps 12-13 hours per night, never protests, and occasionally nominates herself for bedtime (which totally blows my mind. As a child, I never once admitted to being tired let alone asked to go to bed.)
DISCLAIMER: I’m not trying to sound smug here, just trying to show you that I found something that works for us. Don’t get me wrong, getting to this point was difficult, but worth it, so I’m sharing how we did it, in the hope it might work for you. But don’t worry if it doesn’t, there’s lots of options to try if you’re having issues with sleeping. Check out some of the resources below.
The good news is, there are lots of different techniques you can try until you find something that works for your family. It might take patience and diligence, but it’s worth it in the long run. Not only do I love a good night’s sleep, I NEED it for my mental and physical health.
You probably have heard the theory that some kids sleep and others don’t. I have one child so I’m not an expert, but I know that my ‘sleeper’ was not heading in that direction innately and needed some additional help to make it happen.
There are instances where some babies different or special needs, and parents do try everything with limited or no success. But, I truly believe that for many kids, through trial and error, and with the right support, you’ll eventually find an approach that works.
Note: if you find that nothing works to settle your bub, or you’re just exhausted and need some additional support, don’t be afraid to check in with your doctor or health care team.
If you haven’t already closed this post, tuned me out, or given me the mental middle finger; I’ll tell you what steps we undertook to get my stubborn, intense, and dramatic little infant to sleep like a pro. She still has the same personality. #karma
Apparently, a good nighttime routine starts in the morning. The first change we made was wake that baby at the same time every day (even if we’d been up through the night and the baby was still asleep). There’s nothing I hate more than waking a sleeping baby, but I got over it.
An hour before bedtime we dim the lights, bath bub, give her a gentle massage, read a story and play some white noise. These are all her signals that it’s time for bed. I’ve done our routine at the in-law’s, on airplanes, and in hotel rooms, so it’s portable and we can do it anywhere.
I love a schedule but appreciate that it’s not something everyone digs. The thing is, our bodies love routine, especially baby bodies. They like to be able to predict what’s coming next.
I followed a very strict routine with naps and feeds. My daughter would nap at the same time every day whether we were home, out in the pram or in the car. Being able to sleep in different environments is a bonus if you want some semblance of a life.
I followed a schedule I found in a book but you can get one from your Maternal and Child Health Nurse, sleep school, doctor or a sleep nanny.
Teaching a baby to self-settle to sleep can help them at bed-time and nap-time, and encourages them to drift back to sleep if they are startled awake.
There are a million ways to teach a baby to self-settle that don’t involve ‘crying it out.’ Do a bit of research and test out different methods on your bub (make sure to try each one for at least one week because it will take several nights and often get worse before it gets better).
We ended up combining a few different methods, including ‘longer and longer, fading, and pick up/ put down.’
Know that developing good sleep habits for your baby will probably take hard work, dedication and occasionally you’ll slip and you’ll need to start from scratch all over again. Don’t stress if that happens – in a few nights we found that she would slip back into routine, and it was never as hard as that first time.
Good luck, keep an open mind, try and surround yourself with support, and don’t forget that if you need help, you can always reach out to your medical team for extra advice and guidance.
There’s also a bunch of advice and tips over on Bupa’s First Thousand Days site; covering not only sleep, but pretty much any aspect of raising small humans in the period from conception through to the age they are two.
‘Padcicles.’ like popsicles but for your postpartum lady bits! Oh, how fun the name sounds for such an unpleasant situation.
This simple padcicle recipe promotes healing, reduces inflammation and soothes sore bottoms after giving birth. All it takes are two ingredients, five steps and ten minutes.
Padcicles are essential to care for your perineum post birth. They help numb and heal the painful area with a simple mixture of (alcohol-free) witch hazel and aloe vera. If there is a chance you’ll give birth vaginally you need to stock your freezer with these before your due date.
Seriously though- these things saved my life (and nethers) with my first baby and now that my second bub is locked and loaded, I’ll be DIY’ing these frozen 'treats' today.
Witch Hazel
Witch Hazel has been used as a natural skin toner and healer for hundreds of years. It’s anti-inflammatory and anti microbial. It’s also an astringent which helps heal and tighten skin proteins and stop bleeding.
Aloe Vera
Typically used to treat sunburns Aloe Vera is a skin soother. It promotes healing and reduces inflammation, itching and provides mild, natural pain relief. Aloe also acts as a non-greasy moisturiser and has vitamins and minerals that help feed and heal skin.
When the liquids are frozen on a maternity pad they provide a soothing, numbing sensation while the ingredients do their healing work.
Use as many as you need in the first few weeks. I would also recommend alternating this treatment with taking a shallow sitz bath (with Epsom salt) in the hottest water you can stand. This will help everything heal up nicely.
You’ll be able to sit down without pain in no time!
Brought to you by Bupa
Postnatal depression; the gift I never asked for or wanted. Fighting my way through it made me stronger and taught me self-acceptance.
Now that I’m in my First Thousand Days, and pregnant with my second baby, I worry about postnatal depression returning for a rematch even though ‘theoretically’ I should have all the tools I need to tackle it again.
One major advantage is that I know my opponent. Another is that many risk factors I faced last time no longer exist; I’m settled in our neighbourhood, I’ve got my confidence back, I’ve built a village and I’m comfortable not having all the answers.
But there are certain ‘X factors’ that are out of my control like hormones and a history of depression- so I’m still a chance. Rather than betting on the odds of getting a second round of PND, I’d rather prepare as much as possible before the next baby arrives.
I’ll tell you exactly what I’ve done so far, but you should know the last four years have not been an easy road.
I figured a four-year age gap between children would suit my family’s lifestyle well. My oldest would be in kinder, allowing for some time alone with the new baby.
Our second little girl might even arrive on our daughter’s fourth birthday. Yikes! That’s what I call efficiency.
Why the control-freak spacing? I could narrow it down to two, well, really one main reason and a subcategory. 1. Postnatal depression and 2. Living as an expat.
My parents are a 24-hour flight away and my in-laws, a two-hour drive. More than access to free babysitters, I needed to make sure I felt mentally ready to take on another child.
I’ve always wanted two kids. There is nothing quite like a sibling, the history you share together and the bond is unlike any other. I told myself it would be okay if the magical day of being ‘ready again’ never arrived but deep down our family felt incomplete.
It makes sense that women who experience postnatal depression may wait longer to have more children, some might not even try again at all.
Happily, I can report that I feel more confident to face the beast again. I’ve worked so hard on improving myself since becoming a mother. The support network I’ve built is huge and warm. I’m no longer afraid to ask for help.
During the first trimester of my second pregnancy, I struggled with an immediate lack of energy and the unwelcome symptom of morning (which should be called ‘all-day’) sickness. It was like someone pushed the pause button my busy life without permission. I felt frustrated and flat. I knew I needed to do something before it got worse. So I did what I do best. Plan, plan and make lists.
1. Make An Appointment
I decided to touch base with my therapist, I didn’t feel depressed exactly, but I wanted to talk about what I could do today in order to help myself when the baby arrived.
2. List Your Previous Symptoms
My therapist suggested I consider what symptoms made me seek help last time so I could pay attention should they present again. For me, anxious feelings and negative self-talk are the biggest red flags.
3. Plan Some Me-Time
I already have childcare arrangements for my daughter but I remember how important it was for me to have time-off from her during the newborn stage. Life will do doubt become even busier soon but even an hour or two is enough for a ‘reset.’ It’s amazing what a walk, yoga class, coffee break or visit with a friend can do for my wellbeing.
4. Secure Your Network
Hopefully, with your first child you were able to create your own little network and you know who to go to for what. I’m still close with my Mums group and we have some fantastic neighbours. I also volunteer at my daughter’s childcare centre and have some incredible support there too. I’ll be calling on them.
5. Pre-Arrange Tasks
People will offer to help you which is generous and amazing. Remember, they aren’t just being polite, learn to say, ‘yes please.’ I find that you do have to go a step further (people generally aren’t mind-readers) and ask for what you want. If you go blank, just ask for a freezer meal or have them hold the baby while you shower or nap.
6. Manage Expectations
The new little person in my pouch will likely be different from her older sister. It’s important that I don’t project expectations onto her or myself. What worked for one baby might not work for the other. Best to start with a clean slate and take it one day at a time. Last time I had an easy baby and a messy mind. This time it could be the complete opposite and that’s okay.
The steps I’m taking won’t guarantee a smoother time but being realistic, proactive, and open, might give me the best chance I have at dodging postnatal depression. At the very least I can be kind enough to myself to remember that I’ve been through this before and I can beat it again.
Bupa is providing support and guidance to parents during their First Thousand Days of parenthood. To find out more, click here.
And if you’re concerned at all about postnatal depression or just need a bit of extra help, you can check out the resources provided below:
Mummatters - http://www.bupa.com.au/mummatters
Beyond Blue - https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/pregnancy-and-new-parents
PANDA - https://www.panda.org.au/
I attempted to board my flight to Sydney yesterday and the attendant stopped me, asked how many weeks pregnant I was, snatched my doctor’s certificate, and studied it suspiciously. “Wait here,” she said, while passengers politely sidestepped me and disappeared down the jetway.
Every airline has different regulations for flying while pregnant so even if you think you know, double check. Then check again.
At 31 weeks, it’s my last trip for the foreseeable future. Travel bag packed (so light when you’re kid free!), itineraries printed, vitamins bagged, routes planned, I even requested extra pillows for my hotel room. At the airport I had time for a cappuccino, a bit of reading, and some emails.
Of course, I also had my Doctor’s certificate. Told you I’m organised! Granted, it looked a little dodgy since it spent the last few weeks in my purse next to a leaking, liquid vitamin wrapper- The important fact being it gave me permission to fly for another three weeks.
The flight attendant scoured her computer, presumably looking for a loophole that would deny me access to that flight. I saw her shaking her head so I got ready to argue.
“Your certificate needs to be written within ten days of your flight,” she told me stonily and went on to speak to me about the safety of my unborn baby and that all airlines have different rules and regulations.
Even though I’m a low-risk pregnancy, and my certificate says I’m safe to fly for another three weeks, it’s all she needed to draw a line in the sand. Once she finally told me I could call my OB’s office and get a new one, the passenger line dissipated.
As luck would have it, a midwife answered my call and after breathlessly explaining myself (and supportive comments of disbelief from her) I had a new certificate in minutes...but it was too late.
“Can’t you let me on?” I pleaded, “the plane is still here.”
“Nope, we’ve completed our paperwork.”
“Paperwork? What does that even mean? Can't you just open the door?”
“It means we took you off the manifest, we're removing your bag, and we can’t delay the flight any longer.”
Finally, I lost my composure, “You said you wanted to ensure the safety of my baby but you’re causing me more stress now than if you would have just let me on the plane.” And finally the undignified “This is so unfair.”
They booked me another flight, at no charge, and I cried.
It’s not that I’m angry they stuck to the rules, I understand that regulations are in place to keep people safe, I’m upset at the way they treated me. If they told me mere minutes earlier to call my Doctor’s office, I would have had time to board the flight. I felt powerless, silly, and desperate.
Luckily my husband didn’t answer when I called him or I don’t think I would have been able to get the words out. I sent him a shaky text, shuffled into the bathroom to finish my tears, bought a chocolate bar, and wrote a strongly worded email to Virgin. By the time Matt called me back I could speak without the wobbles.
“At least now you have a story to tell,” he said. Bless the man, he gets me.
Note: One reader pointed out that if flying while pregnant is a 'health risk' than the guidelines should be regulated by a health organisation, not left up to individual airlines. Makes sense!
Don’t let this happen to you. Be aware of airline rules and regulations- they do differ slightly. Here’s a directory of popular Australian airlines with links to their policies about Flying while Pregnant see below.
UPDATE:
Earlier this week Virgin responded with some standard messaging-type email where they claimed I was responsible for not having the correct paperwork (true, but my complaint was about poor service, not their flight regulations) in the email they stated:
"However as a goodwill gesture, our Ground Crew offloaded you from the original flight and rebooked you onto the next available flight as the flight cannot be held or delayed."
Incredibly unhappy with that response, I wrote back to them, again, pointing out my issue with their customer service, the stress they caused me, and pointed out that my little post about the incident went viral and was picked up by Babyology and exposed to even more readers.
Today I got an email telling me that they will credit my frequent flyer account by 5,000 points. This is a generous gesture but it's unfortunate that it took me standing up on my soapbox, in front of an audience of tens of thousands of readers to get their attention.
I wrote them back telling them that I am grateful for the points but disappointed that another Mother might experience the same callous treatment but that she might not have a platform like I do.
I can only hope that a. the particular staff member is re-trained for sensitivity and b. that someday a governing health body, not individual airlines, can come up with a standard guideline for all to follow for flying during pregnancy.
For now, it's time to move forward. The only luggage I'll pack in the near future is my hospital bag. Thanks for reading everyone!
Four nights in a room to myself (practically), someone bringing me meals, checking on me, giving me medication and nurturing. All expenses paid (except for the epidural). Sign me up!
All I have to do to earn that little vay-cay is give birth.
Yup. Giving birth is the ultimate excuse to stop. doing. all. the. things.
Is this sad, hilarious, or just insane? Probably the hormones talking.
I think what this means is, life is a teeny, tiny bit, too busy. Last week nearly broke me. I volunteer on two committees and run my business from home. Not to mention I also need time to write, paint, keep my three-year-old alive, my household fed, and bake a baby. Just to keep things interesting, I have this chronic, pregnancy-induced back pain that flares up every afternoon and leaves me almost debilitated (and laying horizontal on a hard surface).
Maybe it’s time to take my own advice.
I’m always preaching about the benefits of Me-Time. It’s one of the main tools I used to overcome postnatal depression. Admittedly I’m not always great at keeping up the practise.
It can’t be that hard. My husband said to me, if I can’t use pregnancy as an excuse to slow down then I can’t use anything (I suspect he’s right and that the world will keep turning).
Saturday morning my mood took a bigger dip than it had in a long time. The real red flag rose up when I realised that I could not think of one thing I wanted to do. Not painting, not yoga, not even ice cream. One of depression’s flashing,neon signs- the things you love to do are no longer appealing.
Luckily my husband and daughter suggested we go out to lunch. I didn’t want to leave the house but knew I should. We went out for pizza. It was the first time in a week I had enough energy to have an actual conversation. Between bites of mozarella-y goodness and my husband gently probing me out of my shell, I started to feel better.
Afterward, we went to a fancy-schmancy grocery store where I found one of my American favourites, spaghetti squash. (Food makes me happy, it's all I have these days). I also decided to be a rebel and buy myself some soft cheeses (this kid is practically cooked anyway. It’s fine. She’s fine. I'm a bad Mum sometimes.) Back at home I parked myself on the couch, had my dinner prepared by a handsome chef, and watched a few documentaries.
By the end of the night, I felt so much better, mentally and physically. The most important thing I did is give myself permission to feel lousy and then permission to relax. Maybe I don’t need to wait for the hospital in order to get some nurturing. Easier to take care of a baby when they're still inside anyway.
I’ve got one cracked nipple, one leaky boob, barf on my shirt, and haven’t showered in three days. It's 2:00PM and just spend 45 minutes trying to settle my baby before army rolling out of her nursery like a ninja so I could go slam a bowl of cereal for lunch, only to notice I’m out of milk.
Hi, you might know me. I’m a new Mother.
In order to stay alive for the next few days, I must use the rest of my energy reserves to pack the car and enter society. Dread settles upon me with this realisation.
Know what I’m guaranteed to hear at least once while I’m out shopping surviving?
“Enjoy this stage! It goes so fast!”
I’ll think to myself; “I sure as shit hope you’re right because this infant is literally trying to kill me.”
Do people say these things to folks as they train for marathons? Do little old ladies line the streets holding signs that read, “Enjoy this!” "No Pain no gain!" "It goes so fast!"??? Yeah-no.
I get it, the (mostly older) women (likely with grown children) at the shops are looking at me with glasses so rose-coloured that they may as well be staring through a glass of Merlot.
My Mother-in-law once described breastfeeding as "blissful" when the only word I had to describe it was “hell.” Maybe in 30 more years, I might remember it more fondly too.
I get it. The people, with the comments, they’re well-meaning. Their kids have left the nest, they reminisce about the good ole’ days. But as a new mother, I’m right in the shit.
Early days with my first baby felt like a game of emotional roulette. What would today trigger? Anxiety? Depression? Stress? I loved my baby, maybe too much, and had not enough left over for myself.
Three-and-a-half years later now, memories of that tough stuff faded a bit. Ah, the gift of forgetting, as they say. Why else would any sane woman go back and birth more children (like I’m about to do in 3 months time)? Maybe I’m looking through a glass of Rosé myself, though still decades from a Merlot or even a Pino Noir tint.
We must remind ourselves that Mothers are fragile in the early days, especially first-timers. Sometimes all they need is empathy, not strangers demanding they 'enjoy' every minute of 'keeping a baby alive.'
I mean, I love my child more than anything which is why I haven’t left her on a stranger’s doorstep or given to rocking silently in a corner. Can’t I adore my kids and at the same time admit parenting is kind-of a bum deal?
Maybe try telling a new Mum it’s normal to find it hard. Tell her she is doing a great job, even if the baby is screaming as she fumbles with her wallet. Tell her to take her time. Tell her that it will get easier in some ways and harder in others.
I'm somewhere between the older woman at the checkout and the first-time Mum. Soon I’ll be back in the newborn fog and maybe a smile from an empathetic stranger might be all the fuel I need to make it five more minutes without a breakdown.
So if you see me, “The new Mum,” out in public, please don’t tell me to enjoy this. Maybe instead, tell me to keep up the good work.
Brought to you by Starting Blocks
Have you ever gotten in trouble with a Kindergarten teacher? What about as an adult? I have. Teachers are incredible but discipline is part of their job and they take it seriously when you don’t do your homework.
Let me introduce you to Starting Blocks so you won’t end up in the naughty corner.
I got a panicked text message from my friend Jackie one afternoon;
“Hey Dawn, so I’ve been on the phone with the Council and apparently we are really late with our applications for four-year-old kinder!”
Something prompted Jac to make a phone call and enquire about her son’s four-year-old kindergarten enrollment. An ex-pat like myself, she has zero experience dealing with early childhood education in Australia.
Jac got reprimanded as if she were the student. Applications opened 12 months ago and we had not submitted ours. It's not like we missed the actual deadline but these people gave us the impression that getting into Kinder was like the Hunger Games (and we had already lost).
Over the phone, the council worker said to her: “Don’t you have any other Mum friends who could have informed you?”
Um, yes lady, yes we do. And none of them submitted their forms either because we are all first-time Mums and had no idea this situation was so ‘urgent.’
Two years ago, maternal and child health nurse handed me a kinder application at our two-year-old check up. At the time, having a four-year-old seemed like an abstract concept. I half-filled-out form and (foolishly) stashed it in my office.
I explained everything to my Aussie husband, who was equally confused, he attended a one-room schoolhouse in the country- no bureaucracy involved. He researched and discovered there were kinder inspections happening in our area on the weekend. We (naively) decided to check out the schools, decide on our top 3 choices, then submit the form on Monday.
Apparently, this plan was a big, fat fail. How did I learn this? By getting scolded by every single Kindy teacher we bumped into at the inspections.
“You’re not here for her are you?” They asked referring to our daughter, “You’ve applied already, haven’t you?”
“She’s my first kiddo and I'm new to the Australian system,” I would answer, playing up the ex-pat card as much as possible, “they have to take her somewhere right?” #charm
“No, they do not!” One particular school one teacher answered.
“Isn’t it the law that children have to attend school?” I asked.
“Well yes but you might not get into any schools,”
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"They could send her all the way across town to X School,” (‘X school’ is on the wrong side of the tracks but closest to our house and my first choice.)
I couldn’t believe the judgment, the stigma, the urgency, and felt completely out of my depth. This is just 4-year-old Kinder, what must high-school applications be like? I needed to get a clue. Fast.
Starting Blocks will be your tutor if you need to be schooled about early childhood education in Australia.
Did you know early education includes at home and other child care options, and kinder? The user-friendly SB website is intuitive, thank goodness. Punch in your postcode and you can see all the early childhood ed centres in your area. In mine, there are one hundred thirty-two. I can’t imagine searching 132 individual websites. Ain’t no Mumma got time for that.
I wish the Starting Blocks organisation existed three-and-a-half years ago when I was looking for occasional care for my daughter. It would have saved me shooting off emails to the list childcare centres my MCH nurse gave me, some of which were irrelevant to our needs. I didn’t even know the difference between occasional care and long day care at the time.
The site was born out of a demand from parents, showing that they wanted all early education information in one place. They asked for easy-to-understand language, free from condescension. Just facts. Not only can I check the distance of each centre from my home but I can see how each one rates according to the National Quality Standard. I can even shortlist my favourites to come back to later.
It’s important to note that early childhood education means everything your child learns from birth to age 5. Along with childcare and school info, you can learn about your child’s developmental milestones and find tips on how to start them learning right at home. From now on, I’m going to let Starting Blocks educate me on how to stay out of trouble.
Follow Starting Blocks on Instagram here
Is a second pregnancy really THAT different?
“All pregnancies are different,” They said.
My current condition brings along a colourful cast of unfamiliar symptoms; bad skin, stray neck hairs, and worst of all, the dreaded all-day-nausea. I was unprepared for this but I'm learning how to deal. These are my tips on how to have a better second pregnancy.
My first pregnancy was a breeze for which I’ve always been grateful. No morning sickness except for a few brief moments, nothing a cup of ginger tea couldn’t fix.
I was tired, sure, but napped when I got home from work. I still cycled to the office, went to the gym, recharged on weekends, stared longingly at glasses of wine. NBD.
Four years later and four years older, it’s a different ballgame. I have a three-year-old daughter and run a business from home. That's a different type of busy.
“It’s always more difficult when you have another child to look after,” they said. No kidding.
During the first trimester, I let my daughter watch a movie every afternoon so I could take a nap. Yup. Sometimes I passed out on the couch next to her and other times I took myself to bed (after giving her a water bottle, a snack, and locking the house- almost as if she were a puppy).
The second I fell pregnant, I became the world's pickiest eater. Nothing appealed, except for carbs. The less I ate, the more nauseous I became. There had to be a solution other than eating potatoes and pasta with vitamins on the side. So I did what I do best and made a list. Forcing myself to scroll through recipe sites, I wrote down anything that seemed mildly appetising. Then, when I felt like it, I cooked a bunch of those things so I had meals and snacks on hand at all times.
I announced my pregnancy to the world at eight weeks for a few reasons. One was to raise awareness about pregnancy, silence, and miscarriage, but also to arm my troops with the knowledge that I might need help. Deciding to tell people early is a personal choice but one I made so that I could have support if things didn’t go to plan, or if I needed a hand.
I didn’t see the inside of my gym for most of my first trimester. Contrast that with a very active first pregnancy I worried that I wouldn’t be as healthy this time around, that I was doing this new baby a disservice. Then I remembered point number one. My body wanted rest, so rest I gave it.
It’s a good idea to know what kinds of things you’ll need in case people offer to help (and they will). Don’t be polite and say ‘nothing’ or you’ll end up with a heap of flowers you can’t eat and fluffy toys that can’t empty the dishwasher. When in doubt ask for food.
No cardio, and carbs, and naps, oh my! I stressed about the ‘second pregnancy weight is harder to lose' mythology. So what if it is? Last time I got my fitness back to about 85-90%. Let's face it, our bodies have made miracles. They will never 100% function the same way- that's what happens when two humans share one body. I made the decision to stop worrying about it and focus on getting through the pregnancy.
I think I’ve accepted (finally) that this pregnancy, this birth, and this child will be completely different from the last one. Having a blank slate helps avoid disappointments and also allows you to take every day as it comes. Nothing worse than fighting against something simply because it was ‘different’ in the past.
Every pregnancy IS unique. There’s a lot of energy in worrying so let go of the guilt and grow a healthy bub.
How did you deal with a second pregnancy? What’s your best survival tip?
I'm an expat, which doesn't help the situation, but parenthood is a foreign land to anyone who hasn't been there before so I'd say we are all in the same, unfamiliar boat. Here are five ways for new Mums to stay social.
There are many reasons Mothers today are more isolated today than ever; moving away from family, demanding careers, cultural pressure to do it all, and living more of our lives online.
Chances are, even if your family and friends are nearby, they are busy with their own lives, careers, and families. Maybe your people don’t have kids yet and simply don’t understand.
No matter the individual circumstances, it can feel like someone plonked you down in an alien land, handed you a baby, and took away your smartphone.
In the good-ole-days villages helped with child-rearing no questions asked but today we feel like we need to try and figure it all out ourselves. Then we do something really dumb and go to Pinterest for ideas (comparison is the theif of joy).
I propose we start creating our own villages!
When people offer to help all you need are two little words; “Yes" and "Please.” Ask them for what you REALLY need ie: Hold a baby while I nap or shower. Tell them to bring food. All the food. Don't feel guilty, there will be many opportunities to pay it forward.
Keep an open mind. We’ve all heard stories about the judgey-mum, the extreme-nature-mum, or the annoyingly-perfect-mum. Take a moment to recognise that other Mums are in the same Amazing Race. Build alliances.
Take it from one who knows, the ones who look like they have it all together are often the ones struggling the most.
Look, I know creche or occasional care costs money but you NEED me time. See if you can swing it by cutting your grocery budget or make a sacrifice somewhere else. Perhaps you can swap babysitting duties with a friend or rely on a relative.
This might sound anti-social in a post about staying social but I believe downtime is invaluable for your mental health and wellbeing. You can always use it to take a class or interact with people if that's what energises you. Or do something lovely for yourself like take a nap or see a movie. You'll be better company even if just for yourself.
Do this in whatever way you can manage best. I'm a big fan of group messages because there are several people on there and no one expects a speedy response. Don't forget your childless friends (they always have better stories right?) Sometimes I just want to hear about someone else’s life even when I have no news of my own. Don't loose touch.
Join a Facebook or meet-up group or go online with the intention of joining a face to face group. The Australian Breastfeeding Association have localised meetups, mindfulness workshops are popping up all over the place. There are growing mummy-matching groups like Hello Mamas you can join for free. There is no substitute for human interaction.
How do you stay social??
Brought to you by Maternity Sale.
Pregnancy is not only hard on the body, it's painful to the wardrobe. Here, I'll show you six ways to style a simple black maternity dress so you can save money, brain power, and aggravation.
As a pregnant woman, I want to feel confident, stay comfortable, and save skrilla on clothes that I can only wear for a few months. Do you people realize how much STUFF a baby needs? $tart saving and $acrificing now Mummas.
Here I will show you one LBD (little black dress) worn six different ways- with items you probably already have in your wardrobe.
It’s my second pregnancy so this time I know exactly what I’ll need to get me through the next few months. My best piece of advice is: stick to basic, neutral, pieces and accessorize like crazy. Save yourself time, aggravation and cheddar.
Bonus- recreate each of these looks after bub is born as this LBD doubles as a nursing dress as well. That’s a LOT of mileage out of one purchase. It's machine washable so no need to worry about the plethora of body fluids which will end up on it after bub joins the world.
I’ll never forget my friend Jodie’s advice when I was pregnant with my first baby; “Make sure you buy clothes you can get your boobs out of.” Nursing wear is a whole new animal, people. I can’t tell you how many tube dresses I bought last time to ‘show off the bump,’ they were completely impractical (and a waste of coin) after my daughter was born and my body went squishy.
I love that most of the items you can get on the Maternity Sale website are nursing friendly. They will last you a long time.
Want to see how I styled mine?
Add any pair of cowboy boots (I collect them but if you don't, they're a great investment because you can wear them with ANYTHING), some chunky turquoise jewellery, and a denim shirt, open or tied above the bump.
For a relaxed, romantic, Boho style, add a fring-y scarf, crystal necklace, strappy sandals and a slouchy bag. Great for hitting the markets or grabbing a coffee with friends or a date with Baby Daddy.
For a night on the town (if you can stay awake that late) add maternity tights, a sparkly necklace, wedge heels, and a metallic clutch. Simple. Easy. Done.
For a more casual look when heading to the shops, coffee with friends or for those of us who already have little ones- perfect for a playdate. A plain tee-shirt over the dress, tied with a knot, some beads, and your favorite comfy sneakers.
Working in an office? I did during my first pregnancy and comfort was a necessity. Grab one of your cardigans and belt it (open) over the bump (because you probably can't button it anymore) some ankle boots and don't forget your watch!
Bust those leather jackets out while you still can (un-zipped of course), I added some animal print maternity leggings, chunky heels, and a gypsy necklace. Not sure where I would wear this one (in my former life this would be a perfect night on the town get-up) but I might just have to make up an excuse to put this on again. It was the hubby's favorite look.
So there you have it, One little black dress styled six different ways. Affordable, easy and hopefully inspiring.
You can check out the rest of the Maternity Sale range here on their website.
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Note: I ordered one size larger than I normally wear, Maternity Sale clothing tends to run small but don’t worry, their return policy is a piece of cake (mmm cake, I’m making myself hungry).
