Just Stay Happy…Damn It!

I’m starting to (finally) accept that my system is more sensitive than I would like it to be. I know now that the state of my body affects my mental health.


After my last therapy session, I decided to take a break because I don't feel like I'm getting much out of it anymore.

First World Problems can suck it.

I felt like my therapist was basically trying to convince me: 'it's not that bad,' and to focus on the positive- which is fair enough. I do have a pretty amazing life yet sometimes the negativity takes over. Do I feel like I have first world problems- yes I do, which totally sucks. Should I find a new one?

But comparing myself to those who are worse-off only makes me feel guilty. When depression sneaks up it does not mean gratitude goes out the window, it just means I need to have a little pity party for one. Even if every single one of my wildest dreams comes true, even if I have one eye over my shoulder constantly-once in a while the gloom will catch up. That's just how depression rolls. #annoying
Sometimes it's easier than others to deal with the rough patches. Like this week- I felt really shitty on Monday and Tuesday but today, Friday, my spirits are back up.

I’m starting to (finally) accept that my system is more sensitive than I would like it to be. I’m missing a thyroid- oh yeah that. It was removed when I was a teenager so sometimes I forget I'm not like everyone else. What does this mean for me?  I need way more sleep than the average person, booze is not my friend and I need to maintain a stable blood sugar level. These things are difficult enough to maintain when you have a kid let alone if you have 'the wanderlust.'

Let me explain.

There is this part of me that is never satisfied- I have an unhealthy addiction to life. I need things to be so fun/ incredible/ memorable/ emotional!!!! All the time. I don't like to sit still unless I am relaxing within the specific parameters which allow me to completely relax (dishes need to be done for one). I'm high maintenance when it comes to fun.

I drank lots of wine last Saturday night with my husband. We were having a date night in (I can't just have a Saturday night feel like every other night). And I paid for it. For days.


I'm high maintenance when it comes to fun.
I know hangovers get worse as you get older but this was different. I knew it was affecting my mood negatively. The timing sucked because Tuesday was Lavinia’s second birthday. It also happened to be one of those days where nothing went to plan so by the time she went to bed I was crabby, exhausted and felt like I ruined her day.
Looking for any excuse for my feelings other than self-inflicted neglect, I checked my period diary app. When in doubt, blame hormones. Nope- still one week away from the red light. Then I remembered the last few months, the same thing happened. Exactly seven days out from Aunt Flo I had a serious dip in my mood and energy.
Funnily enough, I could hear my therapist saying to me, “Now what can you do to prevent this from happening again?” And I started workshopping what I could do to take better care of my health around that time each month.
Hmmmm. Maybe I was projecting my frustration onto my therapist when I felt like she wasn’t giving me enough empathy. Sympathy? Maybe it’s not sympathy I need but strategy. Dang it! The expert wins again!

I think it’s about time to dedicate another week to my mental and physical health as I did five months ago. Back then I promised myself I would take one week and do one thing each day to improve my general health and wellbeing.

Last time I started on Monday and by Saturday I was up early, brimming with energy and feeling well. I want to capture that feeling again.

Monday morning- I'm hitting the gym and I might just make a therapy appointment. Wish me luck.

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6 comments on “Just Stay Happy…Damn It!”

  1. Don't you wish you could bottle the happy? I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to be amazing all the time, and perhaps it's also a matter of being gentle with ourselves when we don't live up to our (potentially unrealistic) expectations.

  2. Oh man, if only you could bottle the happy...knowing myself I would binge on it! I love the idea of being gentler to myself (thank you for reminding me, sometimes I need that). xoxo

  3. Oh Dawn. I hope you realize how many of us are feeling the same way! I have dealt with depression since I was a young teenager. Fully medicated and in therapy for years. But that comes nothing close to the hormonal change when I had kids and hit my 30's. You are right, a good 7 days before I start, I am a terror. On myself, my kids and my husband. When I'm in the heat of it, nothing makes sense and I feel fully justified in my actions and feelings. But when I'm finally out of the haze I can finally recognize that hormones play such a huge role in my mood and well being.

    Stay strong and stay open! You are blessing others with your honesty and willingness to share your experiences. Lots of love from Ohio! xoxo

  4. Danielle I'm sorry to hear the same thing happens to you but at the same time- Thank you for making me feel less insane! It's crazy how important a role hormones play in our mental health...seems a bit unfair. <3 Big hugs to you. xoxo

  5. Oh gawd I love this shit!!! Hormones suck. Sometimes I'm just happy people are alive at the end of the day... I'm like its a good day, look at you all living and breathing! Like totes success, with lentil loaf. They appreciate me in advance ????Xxx

    1. Right you are sista! Shower? Nah. Take away? Hell yeah. Everyone breathing and in one place. Success!

let's hang on the 'gram
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