Four nights in a room to myself (practically), someone bringing me meals, checking on me, giving me medication and nurturing. All expenses paid (except for the epidural). Sign me up!
All I have to do to earn that little vay-cay is give birth.
Yup. Giving birth is the ultimate excuse to stop. doing. all. the. things.
Is this sad, hilarious, or just insane? Probably the hormones talking.
I think what this means is, life is a teeny, tiny bit, too busy. Last week nearly broke me. I volunteer on two committees and run my business from home. Not to mention I also need time to write, paint, keep my three-year-old alive, my household fed, and bake a baby. Just to keep things interesting, I have this chronic, pregnancy-induced back pain that flares up every afternoon and leaves me almost debilitated (and laying horizontal on a hard surface).
Maybe it’s time to take my own advice.
I’m always preaching about the benefits of Me-Time. It’s one of the main tools I used to overcome postnatal depression. Admittedly I’m not always great at keeping up the practise.
It can’t be that hard. My husband said to me, if I can’t use pregnancy as an excuse to slow down then I can’t use anything (I suspect he’s right and that the world will keep turning).
Saturday morning my mood took a bigger dip than it had in a long time. The real red flag rose up when I realised that I could not think of one thing I wanted to do. Not painting, not yoga, not even ice cream. One of depression’s flashing,neon signs- the things you love to do are no longer appealing.
Luckily my husband and daughter suggested we go out to lunch. I didn’t want to leave the house but knew I should. We went out for pizza. It was the first time in a week I had enough energy to have an actual conversation. Between bites of mozarella-y goodness and my husband gently probing me out of my shell, I started to feel better.
Afterward, we went to a fancy-schmancy grocery store where I found one of my American favourites, spaghetti squash. (Food makes me happy, it's all I have these days). I also decided to be a rebel and buy myself some soft cheeses (this kid is practically cooked anyway. It’s fine. She’s fine. I'm a bad Mum sometimes.) Back at home I parked myself on the couch, had my dinner prepared by a handsome chef, and watched a few documentaries.
By the end of the night, I felt so much better, mentally and physically. The most important thing I did is give myself permission to feel lousy and then permission to relax. Maybe I don’t need to wait for the hospital in order to get some nurturing. Easier to take care of a baby when they're still inside anyway.
Pregnancy is such a funny time isn't it. There's all this anticipation about the new bubba, combined with the constant discomforts of late pregnancy. Add to it your chronic back pain and I can totally understand why you're feeling out of sorts. It's great that you recognise the signs of a dip in mood though.
Regarding looking forward to the birth, there is something to be said for that time in hospital. After I had my second baby the nurses convinced me to take an 'early discharge package' - which meant going home early but promised some paid house cleaning, nappies, a massage. It seemed like such a good deal. But in truth, I should have just stayed and spent the time getting to know my baby and taking advantage of the support and using the time to rest. When number three came along I told them not to bother trying to convince me - I was staying as long as I could!
Good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy - you're on the home straight now. xx
They best not be tryin'a convince me to leave early. It's my bed, I earned it! It's funny when I first got pregnant I thought I would want to come home early to be with my daughter but the more people I speak to the more they tell me to milk every second of being admitted!
I'm hearing you. I'm an exhausted, grumpy woman and nothing much makes me happy at the moment. It's ok to not LOVE being pregnant. There's so much pressure to "glow" and "keep up" just be your fab self. The joy will come back.
Thanks Mumma. I can't imagine what it must be like for you, having to look after three other kiddos. This pregnancy gig is tough and I agree there is too much pressure for us to grin and glow through it all. Total BS. I'm looking forward to being myself again...probably in about two years from now. Good luck to both of us!
There is something rather appealing about being in hospital for those few days and having things brought to you. I don't even really care if it's hospital food - it's someone else doing it! You're really at the business end now, Dawn. Take time to look after yourself and these last weeks of being just you and Livinia - and Matt xx
Thanks Carolyn! I'll do my best. And between you and I the food at my hospital is AWESOME. I'm already daydreaming about the menu. 😀
This is SO IMPORTANT. Sit in it, feel it and let the people look after you! Eat the cheeses and have a glass of red. I am totes the worst Midwife... I'm like ah shit lets have a martini and watch Netflix.
See I think that so many people think of the hospital stay as a rest. Maybe it is a bit in private hospitals. ALL the people need to look after you all the time. Yup. And spaghetti squash, I think that totally helps!
I'm rambling, I'm in Paris, I love your face and I just rejoice when people state they are not okay and get looked after and eat the spaghetti squash.
Keep talkin peachy face ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Your notes are THE BEST. You always cheer me up. Love yer guts. ❤️
Have so much fun in Paris!! Oui oui!
Merci beaucoup d'amour face aux pêches xxx
Dawn - I love your writing and the pictures. Also nice to see your beautiful hair back to it's natural color. I smiled all the time I was reading your stuff and the comments from friends. Love to you and your beautiful family. John and I
still think about that first birthday at your house when we ended up overnight at a thruway stop. Love Aunt Jo
Aunt Jo I love that we can connect this way. I miss you so much. My Mom LOVES telling the story of how you and uncle John got stuck on the thruway. That's what I call dedication! So lucky to have a Great Uncle and Great Aunt like the both of you. ❤️
Ba ha ha ha. I shouldn't laugh because your post has an important, serious message. But you are definitely right about the hospital thing. My 3 days in hospital after the birth of number 3 earlier this year were bliss. On the serious side, I think it's ok to not find things you love appealing, as long as you recognize that it's not a healthy space and keep an eye on it. It's definitely been a flag for me since number 3 came along.