If you haven’t been privy to me shouting about the Bupa Blog Awards from the hilltops all you have to do is scroll down and read your eyes out.
It’s conservative to say that I’ve been a little bit excited about being a finalist. I found myself in the company of some incredible bloggers, women who I already followed and looked up to. When I found out about the nomination my brain shouted at me “IMPOSTER” and then a funny thing happened. That foghorn of a voice slowly faded and confidence sprouted in it’s place.
Confidence is an issue I’ve had for years, I’m sure I’m not alone in this. When you meet me I am outgoing, loud and friendly but deep down I could never shake the feeling of ‘not good enough.’
Some of the big-deal judges of this competition noticed me. They acknowledged my most genuine body of work to date. I’m not great, or even very good but I freakin’ love what I do and it’s me.
What happened next was magic.
Pushing though the self-doubt I wanted to get my ‘house in order’ so to speak so I started pouring hours into learning about the back end of blog world. The technical things. These are not my strengths but I started learning a few things I had been scared to try.
I had to look over every single (cringe-worthy) old post (part of the tech stuff I was doing) and I can see how much my writing and photography has improved since I started. Neither of these skills are where I would like them to be (and nowhere near as good as the people I admire) but goshdarnit! I improved! I improved while relishing the work I was doing. I’d call that a win.
I started wondering more, thinking more, writing more. I slowed down on the compulsive editing. Suddenly there was a flow. No writers block in sight (let’s keep it that way).
When awards night came I was under no illusion that I would win but I told myself it was okay to be disappointed. I mean, I’m human. When the (well-deserved) winner of my category was announced I heard that voice again, “You don’t deserve to be here,” but you know what? I snapped back this time, “but I AM here.”
No, I am not the best, and that’s okay. Gives me lots of room to improve.
When I listened to the winners speeches I could not help but feel even more inspired. These women were so grateful, excited and proud of their audiences. They were articulate, passionate and considerate. In the room there was an air of support, recognition and women fist-pumping for one another. Not a (sad) tear in the whole joint. Nothing but support. I am honoured to be among them.
I said it before and I’ll say it again, this time with feeling, I’ve already won.
Check out the list of fabulous winners here.