I slept like a jet-lagged lunatic last night.
It was quite the departure from my usual early morning insomnia. If any of you out there battle with sleep you know that the harder you try to find it, the more elusive the beast becomes.
Lucky today was Day Care Day with added bonus counselling because I needed to talk about some sleep strategies.
I spoke to my therapist, not only about my sleeplessness, but also something else that had been lurking in my mind. Negativity. Lately I feel so negative. So much of my news is illness, sickness, tiredness, restlessness… She told me something I found very enlightening- apparently this is a common feeling for people coming out of a depression.
Firstly, it’s wonderful to acknowledge that I am coming out of a depression(!) and secondly, that I’m not alone in my thinking.
Apparently this is how it goes down: The great all-encompassing depression cloud, if you had to rate it on a scale would be the most intense emotion you experience when it is hovering over you. Other emotions like anger and negativity are present too but naturally take a backseat.
Once that oppressing, depressing fog recedes, we start to feel these other emotions again. They are the same as they ever were yet we experience them more strongly now without the depression-goggles. It makes total sense (in my mind anyway.) So people who are no longer seriously depressed tend to worry they are too angry or negative. Which strangely made me feel better.
I am a true believer that you need to experience the negative to appreciate the positive. It’s unrealistic to be happy all the time (though my husband does a frustratingly good job at it). It is only fitting that in order to work on our ‘light’ we also need to delve into our ‘shadows,’ otherwise we are simply deluding ourselves.*
So to my family and friends-please bare with me as I slip in and out of the dark.
|The Two of You Light My Way|
*concept based on a quote I saw on a friend’s Facebook page from SiriMati, yoga teacher.