“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” ~Rajneesh caption

Every time I look into my daughter’s eyes I am mesmerized.  The beauty of her hurts, sometimes.

And when she holds my gaze for more than a moment, my breath catches because she looks back so intently.  There is more going on inside her than I ever imagined- so many lifetimes in that pristine 11-month-old body, in those deep blue eyes.  My child is wise.
I try not to be needy for her to look at me constantly- though I would be happy doing so all day long.  I try not to crave her affection- I can ask for a kiss ten times but she doles them out at her own particular discretion.
Almost one year since I gave birth to this precious little person- and she astounds me at least daily.  If I could start all over again with her, I would.  In a second.  This year has gone by twice as fast as any year before and I’m left with a beautiful, headstrong, intelligent little girl.  My baby, rapidly being phased out by a toddler.  I don’t want to blink because she will be a teenager.
Since her first days on Earth I have found that being a parent is a grueling lesson in letting go.  Something I keep reminding myself when I’m so hungry for her attention.  Someday I am going to have to launch her into this incredibly mixed-up, crazy world and keep my fingers crossed that I provided enough guidance and tools for her to thrive.
It has been a long, long time since I looked forward to each day like I do now, and I will savour it.

Author: dawnrieniets

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3 thoughts on “The Beauty and Pain of Letting Go

  1. Eli (senior) and Calvin (junior) just left for school and Adam has been on his own for at least 3 years. The nest is empty and I feel good about where they are due to the effort put in while they were under our supervision. It's all good and they are comfortable in their own skin. The house is more easily maintained and relaxed which is good for me and Susan. You can check this entry in 20 years as a comparison.

    Posted on August 15, 2014 at 1:09 pm
  2. What a journey. You will be so happy you documented these feelings later.

    Posted on August 15, 2014 at 3:23 pm
  3. I can only hope I feel satisfied with the time spent with my children. Trying to soak up every moment and steal every hug and kiss while I still can!

    Posted on August 27, 2014 at 10:56 am