I sobbed this morning after dropping Lavinia at day care for the third time.  Not sure why because on the first two occasions I was fist-pumping.
To begin with, it’s been over a month since she attended.  She was sick for a few weeks plus the centre was closed during school holidays.  My mother-in-law has been helping out heaps so I didn’t feel the desperate need for a break.
That last longing glance over my shoulder, I saw my baby looking back at me.  Sigh.

The lip quiver started while I walked, baby-less, to my car. Parents weaved around me rushing to drop-off their own kids.  Not one tear between them.  I’m sure it gets easier over time. Yet still not sure about the day three waterworks? I’ve always been a slow emotion-processor (my darn stubborn-Italian half.)

I drove home among commuters with a seriously ugly, wet, cry-face. And even after a good sesh at the gym I still felt a bit weepy.
So with sore quads, a clean kitchen, and a few nights meals socked away, I excitedly went to grab my little bug hours later. Two or three of the carers commented on Vinnie’s boundless energy one referred to her as a “pocket-rocket” (now I feel justified for being exhausted all the time!)
They told me about her day and that they let Lavinia crawl laps outside and apparently she freaking loved it.  During the car ride home she babbled to me sternly..Telling me all about it maybe? (I always think she sounds like she’s chastising me for leaving her but maybe it’s because she’s unhappy about being strapped into her car seat).

When we arrived home she started tearing around the house making brand new sounds…..After one afternoon!  This kid is going to be speaking in sentences soon, thanks to her new friends.  No doubt childcare is good for her development, I can see it before my very eyes.

She’s still quite overstimulated and it’s late in the day.  Right now she’s lying in her crib, babbling, but at least she’s not yelling and gnawing more paint off the bars.  Go to sleep kid, you need to recharge!  She doesn’t seem to think so.  Guess we can live without an afternoon nap.

Overall today was a great day.  I’ll chalk my unexpected emotions up to what I call, ‘The New Mom Shift,’ its when you cry during commercials, the evening news ect.  Becoming a parent makes you soft.  It connects you so deeply to the world that you feel like your heart is made of porcelain.

Fingers crossed, the fourth time will be a tear-free charm.

Author: dawnrieniets

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