I think I’ve suffered from post natal depression on and off for the last six months. Three people knew about this before I went to see a therapist last week. It’s unlike me not to share.
Weakness is scary- by being so public about this, I tell myself it’s brave- but my jaw is clenched as I type.
Isolation is probably the main contributing factor (among others I’m not ready to write about). I’m thousands of miles from my family and (American) friends. Six months ago I became a suburbanite with a city-girl heart. I no longer have my bearings.
Anxiety about travel, driving on the highway specifically, is a new and unwelcome passenger in my brain.
Yesterday I had plans to take an hour and a half drive to see a very good friend and she knew I was struggling with the thought of it.
Sometimes all it takes is someone to force you outside your comfort zone. If my mother were here she would tell me to suck it up and go (and since I’m a Mom now too- I may actually listen rather than do the opposite) but alas, she is not.
My friend drove the whole way to my house and talked to me about my fears until I agreed to follow her halfway to her house (where we were meant to meet). The reward- at our destination I would able to show my daughter the ocean for the first time.
The drive was tense, the experience both challenging and confidence-building. More importantly I witnessed the perplexed and pleased look on Lavinia’s face when the first, cold, bubbly little wave washed over her tiny pink feet. I feel like she is going to be a natural water baby, just like her Momma.
The ocean has always healed me- imagine if anxiety stood in the way of me introducing that lifelong gift to my baby girl.
I will work on this and share my journey here. Stay tuned.